expectations?

i've been teaching myself allot lately ; patience, ability, common sense - many things that most people have imedietly , but i on the other hand need . all my life i've been guided by two women(my sisters) , two voices guiding me towards choices. of course many times i chose to find things out for myself , the hard way . well today i had a simple lesson in common sense and rationality , but it was funny how as soon as i ran into a problem , my first instinct was to call my older sis , she explained what i should do & i felt dumb not imedietly thinking of this myself. i can be honest with myself & see the mistakes i make , but its only right after do i see things clearly . i've been told i'm compulsive in many ways & do what i want right when i feel it will make me happy. this is a hard habit to break . so just as much as i'm desperately trying to balance family friends a boyfriend & school ,i'm everyday teaching myself to well, balance myself. its hard having a goal & not knowing how to come about it . i want to do this right. maybe its because all this is so new or because i try so desperately to keep those i love happy , but im tired of wondering aimlessly & knowing it . i have all these new options & cant seem to choose one . so maybe i should stop setting expectations, that way no one gets hurt .


"i want them to hate me... i don't feel so far away , lately love me on the spot"